Maybe we don’t understand this whole “self-esteem” thing. From Dr. Benjamin Spock’s Baby and Child Care to the beginnings of Nathaniel Brandon’s Self-Esteem movement of 1960 to the question of millennial entitlement, we strive to do the best for our children and their futures. Our intentions are to give them the best advantages possible. But, it is obvious that we are missing the real answer. We are not sure where we are going wrong. Maybe we should check our premises.
Anything that makes my child feel badly about himself should be avoided. He is entitled to feel good and so we give awards that aren’t deserved and don’t give corrections that are. We provide them with what we believe they are entitled to (not what they earned) and then we decry their feelings of entitlement. They then grow into adults that enter the workforce with a worldview that doesn’t fit reality.
If my job as a parent is to raise a successful adult, success being defined as a productive, contributive, self sufficient, moral, kind member of society, then their feelings really don’t matter. And stepping in to circumvent everyday consequences of their behavior, rather than letting them reap what they sowed, sabotages my goal.
We have done quite a bit of sabotaging of those goals. The results are employees that are not disciplined, empathic nor engaged in missions larger than themselves. After all, they have been taught that they are the center of the universe.
What do we do as their employers? Give them real self-esteem. Confidence comes from accomplishing, overcoming and excelling. Strangely enough, that is what most millennial employees ask for. Yet, they are afraid to step out and create those accomplishments. If employers are willing to play the part of the mother bird and throw, if necessary, their young out of the nest and into the big bad real work world, we will be pleasantly surprised at the number of them who will spread their wings and fly.
Give your employees the room to overcome challenges, solve problems and make decisions. The anxiety that they feel is based on a fear of risk and failure. They have had few experiences to teach them that failure is rarely fatal, even in the workplace. Their mistakes could even be springboards to grand successes. Corporate mistakes created penicillin, post it notes, Wheaties and even the pacemaker. Although your young worker will likely not accomplish so much success, they will learn from failure and become more productive because of it.
Don’t steal their consequences; let them learn to deal with them. Swooping in and fixing problems that they should handle only circumvents the developmental processes. Learning that they don’t need someone else to fix situations is probably new to them. Give them lots of practice. You may find employees that excel at problem solving and those are rare indeed.
True self-esteem/self confidence creates the ability to innovate, solve problems and make decisions that will lead to better productivity. That begins the cycle of more confidence that lead to… People that are accomplishing are happier in their work, so attrition is less. A happy workplace attracts the best talent. It all works together to benefit you company.
Develop genuine self-esteem, not an artificial substitute. Treat mistakes with the perspective of an employer that is training the best. Give them room to learn and develop. And have patience to watch what grows from it.
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